Beware the Darts

So, I was in the bar playing darts today. Anyone ever notice how some people, especially stupid drunk people in large groups, are always oblivious to danger?

Well, there was this group of frat boys (one of the downsides of frequenting bars in a college town) who wandered up to the bar by the dartboard.

They began milling about in front of us during a dart game. After asking them to move, they did... for about five seconds... before they started walking in front of us again.

Luckily, no one was hurt... But why would you walk in front of someone right when that person is tossing a pointy bit of metal? I spent half the game wondering if someone was going to wander between me and the board just as I tossed a dart.

So seriously, folks. Don't wander in front of a dart game! It's bad for your health!

The Sea Lion in the Power Plant

I am busy studying Linguistics at the moment (long story) so I'll keep it brief.

Not that I have a broad readership, anyway. :P

So I'll just share some odd and entertaining news.

So back to the title of this entry: "A Sea Lion in the Power Plant."

Sounds like the title to a crappy book, doesn't it? But somehow, a sea lion got stuck in a power plant's water intake tank over in Los Angeles.

Here's a LINK to the CNN Story.

Ain't that goofy? Can you imagine what the worker who found out there was a sea lion in the tank and had to report it to his supervisor was thinking?

Random Worker: "Ah, Boss?"

Annoying Supervisor: "Yes, Jones, what is it?"

RW: "There's a sea lion in intake tank #3."

AS: "... Jones, have you been smoking pot again? I thought we warned you about that."

RW: "No really! Go look!"

AS: "Sure, sure."

(Annoying Supervisor looks into tank)

AS: "JIMINY CRICKETS! There's a damn sea lion in the tank!"

That had to be the oddest day of work ever.

But I'm outta here. So 'til next time, rock on!

Pessimism

It should be known that I am a dedicated pessimist by general life philosophy. Many cannot understand why I would always look to the negative. The reason behind it is remarkably simple:

Every time I try to look at the bright side of things, I end up getting royally fucked. If I believed in Fate as an anthromorphic entity, I would think that the bitch hates my guts for some yet undefined reason.

To put it another way, every time I allow the candle of hope to flicker within my soul, some bastard snuffs the flame, breaks the candle in half, and then beats me senseless with the candlestick.

The event that brought me so forcefully back into my pessimism was a simple conversation.

Ever had a chat with someone that somewhere along the line of the conversation you suddenly became the bad guy, and all you could say is “What the fuck just happened?”

Yep, I just had one of those oh so pleasant experiences. It went from witty banter to me being a stand-in for the Antichrist in a remarkably short time. I didn’t even track what happened until I was already too far into it for me to extradite myself from it.

Sometimes, I’ve found, that people are so sensitive about certain topics that express ANY view, and it will always be taken the wrong way. And when they bring up the topic on a tangent, it just ends up being a landmine for the unwary.

Boom. I’m dead.

Ah well. Little things like this make me just never look at the bright side of things. Yeah, it may be depressing, but I can take solace in the Pessimist’s Credo:

As a Pessimist, I am either always right or pleasantly surprised.

But that’s all I got for tonight, kids. So ‘til next time, rock on.

Plant Ivory?

Plant Ivory?

Has anyone else heard of this stuff?

According to the CNN story, it's a material called Tagua, a coconut-milk like liquid that hardens to the consistency of elephant tusk ivory. It has been in use since the late 19th century, and was common in producing things like buttons until the advent of plastic. Then it just died out in terms of usage.

Why haven't I heard of this stuff before? Ivory is a beautiful material, you think someone would've had the idea to try to put an elephant-free environmentally friendly substitute into production as jewelry long before now! (Can you say "paydirt?")

It's amazing what you would find if you just look at the stuff "modern materials" have replaced.

Plant ivory. Who knew?

Oh well.

Off on a tangent, my blog's hits seem to have calmed down quite a bit. It was crazy for a while ...well, not server-stopping crazy, but for a random Webblog, it seemed pretty good to me. Search engine hits looking for a certain PSP licker took my page views up quite a damn bit. Referrals for her actually hit 85% of all search engine hits. Quite entertaining, if a bit disturbing.

But it's gone now. Drat. I was going to start putting ads on here to get cash. :P

But that's all I got for today, kids. So until next time, rock on!

Proving My Point...

A short one for tonight.

Proving my point about the news being useless and heartless in almost all respects, Ananova had two listings under "Quirkies" (as in supposedly funny stories) that aren't exactly funny. First one was the Japanese train accident.

Yep, ninety people die. Ha ha, so funny!

(Note: It has since been removed from Quirkies. Shouldn't have been there in the first place, assholes.)

Second, "Man wakes up with knife in face.

Yep, I would think it was hi-freaking-larious to wake up with a knife imbedded in my face a few inches from my eye!

Seriously. What the hell?

Oh well. I'm done. So 'til next time, rock on.

Play Jade Empire. Now.

No really.

If you don't have an X-box... Well, buy one.

The game is awesome. Brilliant, even. I finished one of the three possible endings tonight. Tentatively, you can complete them all using the same saved game, but it lacks the flavor than if you went down the path for the whole game. (A good path, an evil path, and a third "sacrificial" path.)

The storyline is better than many books I've read. It is epic.

But I'm tired, and I have work tomorrow. So I'm done.

So 'til next time, rock on.

Too Much Cheese and a Rant on News

This... Is a LOT of cheese.

Man, sucks to be whatever poor bastards who have to clean THAT up.

*****

You notice how news can rarely be good these days? It is usually something like to be "NINE HUNDRED PEOPLE DIE HORRIBLE PAINFUL DEATHS... FILM AT 11!" with the film being OF the nine hundred people and the news dude in the background going "Sweet! I'm on the fast track to network now!"

Alternatively, it could be something really stupid like "MAN MARRIES HIS CAMARO!" They usually are somewhat amusing, but also typically result in decently intelligent people losing just a little more faith in the human race.

Next, there is all that celebrity related stuff. Like "BRITNEY ATE GRILLED CHEESE FOR DINNER LAST NIGHT!" I really never understood why people insist that they must know EVERYTHING about a famous person's life. How does knowing a celeb's favorite food and middle name HELP anyone? The likelihood of a typical drooling-idiot fan being asked out to lunch by the object of their hero-worship is ... slim ... It is, by all accounts, the #1 reason why I would never elect to be famous. It would get ...tiresome. And in any case, eventually hero-worship turns into hero-destroying. Some useless little thing in their past (that if they WEREN'T famous wouldn't really matter...) comes back and everyone acts all surprised that the famous people are something other than human. (Not that I feel particularly sorry for them, in most cases.)

Lastly, there are the "Heartwarmers." These usually are little stories (typically shown at the very end of the broadcast to end "on a lighter note"). They aren't really helpful, they just make people go "Aww, isn't that CUTE?!" Like puppies. Or kittens. Or babies. Or a baby with a puppy and a kitten.

In short, most modern news contains absolutely nothing of use. The typical broadcast is "Death, destruction, mayhem, stupid people, celebrities, celebrities, weather, sports, death, death, baby with puppy and kitten."

Nothing remotely useful. Nothing to bring any sort of hope. Not even real balance anymore. Nothing but excessive fear mongering, hero-worship (or hero destroying), stupid people, and then cute stuff at the end.

Pointless.

Oh well, I know that was pretty pointless in and of itself. But it's my blog and I'll rant if I want to. :-P

So 'til next time, rock on!

Oy!

Be it a good book or an engaging game, people need a distraction every now and then. Of course, I wasn't quite meaning this one to keep me up all night, but hey, that's life.

Still haven't managed to get the thing I was planning on putting up here about my views on particular aspects of politics ...in other words, something actually worth reading.

Of course, not that anyone's going to notice a well written piece on politics here anyway. Last time I checked, Hatsumi accounted for 85% of search engine referrals to this blog.

I find that both amusing, and disturbing.

Ah well. Mayhaps I should take a day or two off and write something comprehensible before this blog turns to utter crap.

So 'til next time, rock on.

And Now the News

So, Jade Empire absolutely rocks. I predict at least a week of complete and utter fascination with the game.

Bioware Rocks.

Anyway, I really don't have much to say today. Sore from baseball, playing way too much Jade Empire.

I'll get those darned essays about meaningful stuff up sooner or later.

Until then, here's some funny news stories I ran across

Man shoots car.
Squatters charge lady for "remodeling"

Just goofy stuff.

Anyway, that's all I got. So 'til next time, rock on.

Jade Empire

Hand is healing nicely. Got to watch out for those darned veins. They don't like being cut.

Anyway, for those with an X-box and a lot of spare time: I highly recommend Jade Empire. I'm only about five hours into it. I'm having a hard time pulling myself away.

The gameplay takes a bit of getting used to and there's not a lot in the way of in-game training, but the storyline is very engrossing. A good friend of mine says it only takes 25 hours from start to finish if you rush and skip some of the side quests(compared to, say, most Final Fantasy games which take about forty or more), but there are multiple characters and multiple paths. So plenty of replay value. Plus, it seems to have a little bit of everything thrown in. The combat is very action oriented, which prevents boredom; but there is a lot of character interaction and storyline for those more inclined to that. There are even minigames that hearken back to the good ole Arcade days.

And as for the story, it's highly influenced by ancient Chinese mythology. Very interesting. I read that the developers even paid a linguist $2000 to create an entire new language just for the game. (To test the fullness of the language, they translated on of the Gospels. That's pretty good.)

Ah well. I spent way too long playing it, and I now have no time to write about anything else. So I think I'll just link to Bioware's official Jade Empire site and IGN's Review of the game.

So 'til next time, rock on.

Ouch.

Ya know, I was hoping to have an amusing anecdote here. Instead, the only notable thing here is I cut open my hand with a goddamn saw tonight.

Be careful around sharp tools, people! You slip, you tend to bleed.

But, aside from that bit of common sense... Nope, that's it.

So 'til next time, rock on.

Hatsumi Guide

Original Guide: 4/18/2005
Revised Guide: 5/31/2005

About a month ago, I randomly posted a picture of a rather attractive young woman licking her PSP. Since then, my website hits have gone up at a startling pace. Just shy of 1000 page views, it is mostly because of the picture.

It has befuddled me. Searching for "Hatsumi PSP" on Google lists me second (right behind Red Assed Baboon, the gaming site she writes columns for). Kotaku, the website where her photo was first displayed, isn't even on the first ten pages of results! (At least, it wasn't since May 31, 2005.) I do not know Miss Chobot, and do not have any photos of her (with the exception of the one everyone else has), so I'm actually surprised by the traffic.

But since I seemingly cannot get you people to go to more relevant sites, I suppose I shall just have to tell you everything I can find out about Miss Chobot and her infamous licking, with links to further material.

I might as well give you what you seek.

-The Beginning-

Jessica Chobot's first major appearance was in the gaming website Kotaku with the infamous picture in the post "Hot Girl on PSP Action." She became an instant celebrity.

Reportedly, during a photo shoot (as she is a model … imagine that *sarcasm implied*) soon after picking up her brand-new pre-ordered PSP, she had her photographer take a few pictures of her lavishing her new gadget with attention. She promptly sent them around the ‘Net as a way of saying "Ha ha! I have a PSP and you don't!"

For such a simple picture, it certainly caused a lot of stir. There are a lot of people who either accuse her of playing on stereotypes for gamer-cult-worship (Some have accused her of working for Sony, as a media ploy) or simply of bad taste. Those of the opposite camp tend to defend her and her right to molest her gaming system as she damn well pleases.

(And people like me wonder where the hell the biblical references on the forums are coming from.)

-The Red Assed Baboon-

As of her now legendary licking, the guy who runs Kotaku offered her a column on his personal website Red Assed Baboon. She accepted, and currently writes a column called "Beautiful Playthings." As of last count, she has five separate articles, and they can all be found at the Red Assed Baboon's "columns" page.

In addition, RAB is a good source for all things Hatsumi. Leonard'oh posted "So Hot-Sumi", a profile of Jessica with five new pictures of the young lady (and one picture of random Chibis … not sure why).

Furthermore, there is a video of her guest staring on G4. She manages to successfully identify an N-Gage with her tongue.

-The Other PSP Fondlers-

There was the Second PSP Licker. (The second licker is named Nikoma Lee, and is also a model or something. Miss Lee maintains that she licked her PSP first.)

There was the girl who stuffed one down her pants.

And there is the topless woman holding the PSP in her cleavage. (No nipplage is shown, but regardless, this is not work-or-young-child safe.)

-Contact Hatsumi-

I can't put you in touch with Hatsumi, and she doesn't read my site, so don't bother asking me.

RAB is where you need to be, fanboy dude! There is a "shoutout live" feature on the main page; along with the RAB Forums. Finally, you can also E-mail her at her RAB address.

You guys have fun with that. Rock on!

Better By Comparison

You know that whole “Looks better by comparison” thing? Like when you’re worrying about your weight and/or health, only to see someone waddle by that is approximately three of you pasted together with Crisco? Then you can say “Man, I may not be a bodybuilder, but at least I’m not that!” and then help yourself to another helping of nachos? Yeah, gotta love it.

Yeah, today I also noticed it applies to cars. I was leaving a sporting goods store (…me, purchasing sports equipment… there’s something that doesn’t happen every day) and I went to go back to my car. Parked next to my car was a car of the same make, model, and even color.

Only it was trashed. Really really trashed. Rusted out, worn down, nearly nonexistent.

My car’s old. It’s slightly …ah… dented from some of my less noble escapades. And the headlights are out of whack from when I hit a deer. (Poor, stupid deer. Like dumbassed brick walls on legs.) But it’s still reliable and has got miles left in it, it’s just not a “babe-magnet” or anything.

However, next to this car, my car might of well been a Jag or something. Compared to this rustbucket, mine is the current model of state of the art automotive engineering.

Which is funny, because they were identical when the factory churned them out. But I got this massive feeling of glee in knowing my car may not be the best car on the road, but it was better than the piece of crap parked beside it.

The smug satisfaction I felt at that point knew no bounds.

But that’s all I got for today kids. So ‘til next time, rock on.

Does this count?

Hm. Well, I originally decided I would post everyday. But somewhere in between connecting to the Internet and actually getting around to posting, I fell asleep. It's now 6:30 in the morning. Does this count as yesterday?

Ha. Ah well, the promise was to myself, so I reckon I can break it with little guilt. ("Bad me!" "I'm sorry." "Oh, okay." ...See, all better!)

So, I learned an important lesson today. (Yesterday.) If someone tells you, "It'll take two hours," go ahead and mentally make it four. It's safer that way.

I also learned one of my cousins is a certifiable psychopath. This psychosis is directly proportional to the number of her friends are in the direct vicinity. When she was by herself, she was merely bugging me. (And occasionally punching me, but you'll have that.) After her friends showed up... ech. Well, I was minding my own business, playing Warcraft III on my other cousin's laptop, and all of a sudden I find the family's cat on my shoulder. The kid said "Don't you think the cat makes a nice parrot?"

Oy.

Well, before I could get a smartass remark out, the cat suddenly realized "Hey, I'm on this asshole's shoulder. I don't want to be here" It went spastic.

Claws. Shoulder, face. Ow. Pain.

Then they started asking me questions. (For reading this in your head, read all my lines in strained monotone, read all of their lines with peppy exuberance)

**
Her: Hey!

Me: What?

Her: Do you watch the O.C.?

Me: No.

Her: Why?

Me: I hate television.

Her: Do you watch Sex in the City?

Me: No

Her: Why?

Me: Refer to previous answer.

Her: What?

Me: Nevermind.

Her: I bet you do watch it, and you just don't want to tell us.

Me: *sigh*

Her friend: Hey, want to play Halo?

Me: Um. I'm all Haloed out, and a bit busy playing Warcraft, but thanks for the offer.

Her friend: Okay. You sure?

Me: Yes.

Her friend: Really really sure?

Me: Yes. And last time I played you, I won fifty to three. You hit me with your controller.

Her friend: You should just take it easy on me then.

Me (Thinking about how I only used the pistol the entire match, letting her have the Rocket Launcher et al.): Ah... That was me taking it easy on you.

Her friend: Oh, okay. But I still want to play!

Me (wondering why they just don't play against each other): Um... I'm leaving in a few minutes anyway, we wouldn't have enough time to get a decent game going.

Her friend: Aww, okay.

My cousin again: Do you watch the Real World?

Me: For the love of God, somebody help me.
***

Ah well. So about an hour of this treatment...still managing to play Warcraft, mind you... I finally couldn't take being asked which purse I like the best (Did I suddenly become an expert?) and having things randomly thrown and/or put on me (Cats, necklaces, my shoe, et cetra), I fled. I made it upstairs from their basement, and my aunt said "Hey, you lasted a long time down there."

Yes, I did. I am perseverant. And now, I am also a little less sane.

But that's all I got. So 'til next time, rock on.

Wow

It's quite amazing how run-down and exhausted someone can get after not a whole lot. For example, now.

Man, I am tired!

Yeah, that's pretty much all I'm putting up for today. So sue me.

So 'til next time, rock on!


Addendum: I was far, far too tired for my own good last night, and nearly got myself killed just driving home. (Falling asleep at the wheel is never good for your, or anyone else's, health. Don't drive tired. :-p) I would count it as a miracle that I managed to blog before passing out. But I figured I should at least post something amusing here. So here's something I caught off Kotaku. It's an a capella choir version of old Nintendo theme songs. Funny stuff, man! Enjoy.

Savaged by a Saw-Toothed Soup Spoon

I was eating at this excellent Italian restaurant the other day. The cheese ravioli they make there is excellent. The salad bar is also quite good, and includes soups. I love the Italian Wedding Soup. Tasty.

So I was eating my soup, waiting for my ravioli, when I noticed my lip was being cut by something on my spoon. I inspected the spoon, but didn't see anything. After using it for another few bites, my lip hurt. I looked at it again.

One side had been slightly chewed up, as if it had gotten caught in the dishwasher. I had basically been sawing my own lip with a snaggletoothed saw.

Ouchie.

The moral of the story: No matter how good the restaurant, always inspect your dishware before commencing to eat! Even clean stuff can have problems.

That's all I got. So 'til next time, rock on.

The Arrogance of Blogging

So I was out at the bar discussing the finer points in life. (I was drinking Coke, so no, I was not a bleary-eyed drunk trying to sound intelligent while being unsuccessful at forming basic words.) Somewhere between the discussions on fame and a dispute on astrophysics, blogs came up. Both my friend and I blog on a regular basis (I, in case you missed it, blog daily. My friend blogs at least two or three times a week.)

Why do people blog? My friend charges that blogging is arrogance, plain and simple! What conceit, to believe that thy opinion is worth reading! What pretentiousness, to think that the trials and tribulations of yon daily life hold value to anyone but thyself! Oh, the pompous spectacle that is blogging!

Okay, he didn't go nearly that far (he just said "I think blogging is kinda arrogant..."), but he had a good point.

Is the typical blog worth reading or is it merely a vanity for the author?

My answer to that question? “Yes.”

“But wait!” you cry, “The question was not a yes or no question!” (Actually, you probably didn’t say that, more likely you just went “This guy is weird.” And that’s okay.)

The answer to me is that yes, blogs are vanities toward the author and are sometimes worth reading. A decently written blog (A tall order, I know) offers excellent insight into how a person thinks and lives. They are excellent for character studies.

For example, a cursory evaluation of my blog reveals that I am quite random (I don’t have a theme of any way, shape, or form), I am wordy (I use large words and have a habit of talking a lot to say a little), I am a bit of a night-owl (I never manage to post before midnight), and have a bit of a Tinfoil Hat complex (My guarded attempts at remaining anonymous).

(Tinfoil Hat, by the way, means someone is bit of a paranoid privacy nut, which I will admit to being. It’s usage, in case you want to know, is “Pardon me while I put on my tinfoil hat, but…” if you are raising privacy concerns, or if you’re using it in reference to someone else you think is going overboard “Take off your tinfoil hat!” or “Wearing a tinfoil hat again, I see.” You get the idea.)

Alas! Most blogs are not well written. Many amount to “Dood, n I wuz like WTF? Ppl r always piking on me, n my g/f is cheetig n I hate teh wurld!!!!1!” In other words, most are incomprehensible garbage. And some are even worse.

Fortunately, if you are able to wade your way through this quagmire, there is a lot of good stuff to read! A politics blog here, a history blog there, or just a good witty one about everyday life. Some are actually useful! Blogs may be a vanity, but they are one worth having. So blog!

(And, in case you’re wondering where I think I fall into the grand scheme of things… I don’t think I do. I don’t think this falls under either “good stuff” or “incomprehensible garbage.” Mainly, I just write because I feel like writing. So perhaps I fall into “Pure vanity.” Which is okay by me.)

But that’s all I got for tonight kids. So ‘til next time, Rock On.

MMORPG's and Leveling Up

Afraid I lost track of time while playing Dark Age of Camelot tonight, so the mega-rant I had planned is now cancelled.

Wow, this seems to be a pattern.

Anyhoo, I might as well explain DAoC for those of you unknowledgeable in such matters. For those of you who DO know what I'm talking about... Nothing new here.

I am an avid player of MMORPG's, which is a somewhat o'erlong acronym that means Massively Multi-Player Online Role-Playing Games.

In short, they are computer games run on central computer systems (The server) to which individual users (the client) connect and play against. Hundreds (Thousands?) of clients can each be connected to a single server, and play and interact in the same game world. The model is also called a "persistent world" because there is no saving, no going back. You fuck up, you deal with the consequences. Sort of like real life, but in real life you can't get resurrected.

I play two of these MMORPG's. The first one is the Original Granddaddy of the modern MMORPG, Ultima Online. I've been playing it for about six and a half years out of its seven years in existence. The second one is Dark Age of Camelot, a game I play with my buddy who lives in Oregon. (In both games, I play a heroic Knight in Shining Armor, who wanders the land, protects the innocent, and rights wrongs... Sort of like a Knight-Errant. :P ). I would play more, but MMORPGs have a big downside. They require subscription fees to keep playing. As of this writing, I'm paying just over $20 a month to play both games. Actually, I have multi-month contracts, in which I pay only once every three months. I end up paying a lot per-pop, but less over time. Another downside is time. You need a LOT of time to invest in these games. Which explains why my characters go nowhere.

I'm curious about a lot of other new games, like Blizzard's World of Warcraft... but I don't want to play too many at once, it gets expensive. I was sorely tempted though.

I was actually going to cancel both my subscriptions in preparation to play a new MMORPG called Mythica in which you played a deity. Good thing I did not, because at an unexpected juncture (as in, very far into development), the evil empire of Microsoft canned it.

A new one that I'm watching is the oft-renamed Mourning. (It was Realms of Torment, then Realms of Krel, and now Mourning) It seems to be a fairly interesting take on RPGs. Characters can grow old and die, leaving their decedents to pick up where their predecessor left off. So in Mourning, you don't play one character, but rather an entire bloodline. That sounds awesome enough to me, but there are the added bonuses of complete player rule: A character can found a city, build a nation, conquer an empire... or just build a log cabin in the middle of nowhere. The politics belongs to the players.

It's either going to be that, or Middle Earth Online that finally cracks me and makes me pay for a new one.

So what's the best part about medieval fantasy MMORPG's?

No matter what the game, it's always the same thing: Becoming strong enough to beat the living snot out of something that used to kill you a lot at lower levels.

It's a goodness, it really is.


A partial listing of other notable MMORPG's:
EverQuest and EverQuest II, Sims Online, Final Fantasy XI, Ascheron's Call and Asheron's Call 2, Lineage and Lineage II, Shadowbane, Guild Wars, Anarchy Online, Second Life, Darkfall, Star Wars Galaxies, and City of Heroes.

There are a lot of them. They are fun, but they are expensive. Bummer.

Ah well, time for bed. So 'til next time, rock on.

100+ Hits, plus A Girl Who Likes Her PSP Way Too Much.

Firstly for this evening... KnightErrant: The Musings of a Noble Nobody has exceeded 100 hits. That milestone is always fun for me.

Let me put this in perspective. My oldest website has only had 630 hits. It's been up for Nine Years.

In contrast, this weblog has been up for about a month, and has had 138 hits.

In my humble opinion, that's pretty damn good as far as my websites are concerned. Notably, a very small group is a very large percentage of my traffic, but hey, nothing's perfect.

So now that I've passed the 100 Hit Milestone; what should I do? Should I actually develop a theme? Develop better writing skills? Become more serious and less random?

Um...Fuck that.

So here's some randomness!

Vrei sa pleci dar nu ma, nu ma iei,
Nu ma, nu ma iei, nu ma, nu ma, nu ma iei.
Chipul tau si dragostea din tei,
Mi-amintesc de ochii tai!

In case you were wondering, that's the chorus for a song called Dragostea Din Tei by this Romanian band called Haiducii; but it was also performed by another band called O-Zone. It was featured prominently in the Numa Numa Dance. I wouldn't recommend that link unless you have Broadband, but if you're patient, wait for it to load, and refresh the page, you'll get the idea.

Also, I just got a PhotoBucket account, so KnightErrant now has a place to host pictures rather than hotlinking! (Because hotlinking pisses people off sometimes.) Anyway, for the first non-hotlinked image:



Yes, that lovely young lady loves her PlayStation Portable far, far too much. But I don't care. She's hot, she can do whatever the fuck she wants.

On a sidenote, the evolution of events from when she first sent that photograph to Kotaku, a gaming blog, she's developed what I can only call a cult following. Recently, she's ended up as a writer for another gaming website, Red Assed Baboon, writing under the name Hatsumi.

Of course, if I ran a gaming website, and I saw a picture of a really attractive girl (in fact, an aspiring model), licking her game system of choice, who actually knew about games, enjoyed talking about MMORPG characters, liked manga, and had a self-professed love for guns that vaporize everything in a 20 mile radius... hell, I would probably trip over myself offering her a job too. Gamer-Girls of that caliber just are not all that common.

At least I'm not showering her with offers of marriage, like some poor souls. Sad.

Amusingly enough, Kotaku has recently posted a photo of another girl licking her PSP. Now, I don't think it's as good as the original. The console love is not as convincing, plus the girl is actually licking her thumb. But what the hell, right?



See? Not as convincing. Sort of has the "Someone is making me do this" look.

But anyway, back to Hatsumi. Her column is called "Beautiful Playthings," and her first installment is "Fondling Consoles." Read it, it's amusing.


Hmm. Now that I think about it... I know something else Hatsumi can lick:

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.



Yes, that's right! The Old School Gameboy! I still have one, so if.... wait, what did you think I meant?

Jesus, get your minds out of the gutter! Sheesh. People now days.

Well, that's it for me. So 'til next time, rock on!

Badass

So I went drinking over the weekend. I was kind of in a crummy mood and needed to "talk to my buddy Jack. (Damn, haven't said that since college.)"

(A few shots of Jack Daniels on the rocks, my poison of choice.)

So anyway, the bar was packed and the service was really shitty. I hate that bar. It led to my somewhat incoherent rant about Friday night.

But that's not the story.

This one belligerent idiot, well into his booze, had his elbow resting on my shoulder and he was waving a handful of ones and shouting at the bartenders, trying to get their attention. (Yeah, there's a good idea, idiot. Call the bartender names then expect her to get you a drink. Right.)

This lasted about five minutes. Now, I'm a pretty patient guy, but it had been a rough day and someone had spilled beer on my leather jacket about fifteen minutes earlier. My patience was wearing thin. The last thing I want is some stone-age reject leaning on me, waving his hand around like a moron. So after asking the guy nicely to get his arm the hell off me a few times, to no avail, I got mad and said, "Get your arm off me, or I will break it."

As something like that is not something I've done before, the level of venom and dead-seriousness in my voice surprised me. It must've surprised him, too, because he took his arm off my shoulder and moved to the other side of the bar.

(Good thing, too, he probably would've kicked my ass.)

As the fact that it was a combination of grouchiness, tiredness, and a wee bit of Jack-Danielness, that is not something I am likely to do again.

But for one moment, I was badass. :)

But that's all I got for tonight, kids. So 'til next time, rock on!

Man...

Man...

So there I was...

And there was this thing...

And it did this stuff...

It was wild.

You had to be there.

So I have nothing interesting to write for today. Sue me.

So 'til next time, rock on.

Zzz...

Ahh. Nothing like wandering off and falling asleep at 3:30 AM only to dutifully wake back up at 6:30 in time for work.

Thankfully, I do not have work this morning. So I think I shall blog... And then return to bed.

I spent most of the night in a place in a noisy bar, with unintelligent people, listening to crappy music; all because a friend wanted to.

I hope he appreciates it. :P Some dude spilled beer on my fucking jacket.

I always prefer a quiet pub or diner and intelligent conversation (And a game of pool! Pool is awesome!) for my drinks, as opposed to a crowded, dingy, smelly bar full of idiots bumping into you. Bunch of fools.

Of course, who's more the fool? Them, or me for hanging around there all night?

Ah well. Back to snooze-time.

So 'til next time, rock on.

Sin City Movie Review

By-in-large, it's been a shitty day. It was way too long, I'm running out of cash, and to top it off, Blogger is acting really strange (Correction : Blogger is fucking up big time. This is the sixth time I have tried to post this! I’m glad I save my blog entry to Word before I try to post…); but I did manage to take in a movie. That's actually a fairly rare occurrence, I probably see a movie about once every six months or so. So I figured that was notable enough that I would provide a movie review. So, here we go:

So, for some pure information: Sin City is directed by Robert Rodriguez (the director of Desperado, Once Upon a Time in Mexico, and ... Spy-Kids...) and was inspired by Frank Miller's graphic novel (i.e. really big comic book) of the same name. Miller was also on board as a co-director, as was Quentin Tarantino.

The cast includes Mickey Rourke as Marv, a "mildly" psychotic brute on a mission of vengeance; Bruce Willis as Hartigan, a old, straight as an arrow cop on one final mission to serve and protect; Jessica Alba as Nancy Calahan, a young woman whom Hartigan saved from a disgusting sexual predator as a child; and Clive Owen as Dwight, an enigmatic and somewhat unhinged hitman out to prove himself. The movie is divided into sub-stories that stand on their own, but also twist and intersect, and the whole thing moves in a big circle that arrives back where it started.

Now, a quick note, if for some reason you think a movie titled "Sin City" would be good for kids or your Grandma... It isn't. No really, it isn't. The characters lie, cheat, steal, murder, abuse drugs and alcohol, and break more laws in an hour than most people do in thier lifetimes. And that's just the good guys. For example, the bad guys include a power-mad senator, a corrupted clergyman, a twisted pedophile, and a vicious animalistic cannibal that looks disturbingly like a sadistic Harry Potter. Not to mention the sheer amount of violence and T&A... (Or, in the case of the Miho the Ninja Hooker... both violence AND T&A at the same time)

If massive amounts highly stylized violence and a whole lot of nudity doesn't throw you off (People from such systems of belief as the Quakers and Puritans need not apply... go watch the Sound of Music again, trust me), the movie simply kicks ass.

The visual imagery for the movie is excellent: stark grayness of black & white films mixed in with periodic splashes of vivid color: A lightning bolt here, a red dress there, a woman's blonde curls, a pool of blood... The whole thing is backed up by the monologues of hard-edged anti-heroes. The world is bleak, the bad guys are completely evil, the good guys are tainted by the scum around them. It is very much a movie of a harsh, modern, gritty graphic novel.

One of the my favorite features of this movie is that it combines massive amounts of violence with sudden slapstick humor, adding to an interesting "Tragedy/Comedy." (One guy gets shot with an arrow, and spends the rest of the scene going "Hey, I have an arrow in my chest. Do you think we should call a hospital?) The amount of one-liners in this movie is enough to fuel inside jokes for years to come. And to top it off, the storylines are quite solid and well written. It should be noted that a lot of it is intentionally over the top, to match the comic-book feel, but that doesn't detract from the movie.

In brief: If you're not put off by sex and violence, and love movies that match brutal with slapstick, and are gritty and over the top: Sin City is perfect.

Final Grade: I give this film a solid A.

Dude! I just did my first movie review! Of course, it was rambling a bit... but when do I not? :-D

Well, that's all I got, kids. And because Blogger was fucking up, it's a lot later than I want it to be. Thank God the weekend is almost here. So 'til next time, rock on.

Land Walker, Take 2; How to Avoid Spam; plus another Blogger link!

Firstly, I fixed the broken Land Walker robot link. I ran the site through a translator, and man, did the translation suck. It said stuff like "The current adults, small time, the robot which has yearned, real bodily sensation robot" blah blah. Basically, it is roughly analogous to "Somebody set us up the bomb." So I figured I would paraphrase.



Paraphrased from the website:

"Since we were children, we have yearned for a robot in which we could ride in and operate. This dream is made real with the 'LAND WALKER' robot!

The computer controls the support and movement of the robot via four foot operated pedals; for front and back, left and right. The left and right air guns are operated by joysticks, so one can both use the guns and move! Presently, only the development model exists, but we are close to building more, possibly for 'Robot Opposition' games."

Data:
Total Height: 3m 40 cm (KnightErrant: Just shy of 11 1/2 feet)
Gross weight: 1000 kg (KnightErrant: 2,200 pounds - over 1 ton.)
Crew: 1 pilot
Power: 250 cc engine
Handling: Foot-operated pedals
Land speed: 1.5 km/h (Knight Errant: Under 1 mile per hour)
On board equipment: 2 types of air guns; right side 6 barrel 'Vulcan' style gun, left side 'Shotgun' type gun.
Cockpit-mounted monitor system.

It ends with "Under under and after before the substance..." Which I have no fucking clue how to translate. If a random person reading happens to speak Japanese, help would be appreciated.

The Land Walker Link ... Again.

Legal Disclaimer: Just because I don't like getting sued, and companies are strange nowadays, here's a little legal disclaimer.

ModernKnightErrant is not affiliated with the Sakakibara-Kikai Company, and makes no claim to their products or trademarks. All rights are probably reserved by Sakakibara-Kikai. KnightErrant claims fair use of these photos due to the fact I make exactly jack squat doing this blog. "My Opinions Not Be Their Opinions." KnightErrant received neither compensation nor fornication for his plug of the likely-overpriced but undeniably cool Land Walker 2. That is all.

**************

I ran across something today that I wish I had had three... heck, six years ago. Disposable E-mail addresses. Two websites, Mailinator and PookMail, offer 'disposable' public E-mail. The gist is this: when signing up for something or otherwise asked for an E-mail address by someone you don't want to give your email address to, just pick something from '@mailinator.com' or '@pookmail.com'. For example, you sign up for a website you don't plan on using more than once. So instead of your REAL e-mail, you can type in kissmyass@pookmail.com. If, for some reason, you need to check this e-mail (to confirm an e-mail, for example); you would go to PookMail.Com and type in "kissmyass" for the mailbox name. It would then show you all e-mail sent to that address. After a predetermined amount of time (Mailinator waits a few hours, PookMail about a day), the E-mail gets deleted.

A few quick notes: Disposable e-mails require no password and are not private at all, so don't use them for something that you don't want others to read. Don't use names that will be common if you plan on actually checking the e-mail, as Anyone can use a particular e-mail address. (So kissmyass@pookmail.com is probably not the best idea, once PookMail catches on.) These E-mails are used to avoid spam, and not really much else. But in that regard, they are damn handy.

Unfortunately, a few assholes are already catching on, at least to Mailinator; and some websites won't let you put in a Mailinator address. But still, handy.

**************

My Site-Meter (handy thing) picked up an entry page, namely another blog, that I didn't recognize. So I investigated. And sure enough, someone else has linked to me! Yay! w00t! etc.

I'm not sure who this person is, but I am assuming that 'Jesse B. Reale' knows / is friends with Leigh Ann, who linked to me from her Farrago of a Meshuggner blog; due to some formatting and link similarities.

But hey, I don't care how I get linked to, just that I do get linked to.

Linking makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside.

So, "Jesse" aka "Everyday Vagabond", and thanks for linking to me! For courtesy's sake, here's a little reciprocity.

-->Link to Everyday Vagabond's blog

**************

Well, Kids, that's all I got for tonight. So 'til next time, rock on!

Low-Tech Gundam

Okay, so it's not perfect, but a Japanese company has come out with something I've wanted since the old days of Transformers, Robotech, Battletech, and Gundam... A walking robotic vehicle. The link's in Japanese, but you can get the basic idea. -->Land Walker Link<--

Now, the thing is not perfect by any strech of the imagination. First off, it's top speed is a <sarcasm> blazin' 1.5 kilometres per hour. I mean, wow! Fast! </sarcasm>

Okay, not really, but it's a start.

Secondly, it doesn't walk so much as shuffle. There are wheels under the foot. But at least it moves using it's legs, as the wheels are not powered. Once again, it's a start.

The fun things about this? Well, first of all, it looks awesome. Second, the guns on the side shoot squishy Nerf-type balls! Man, that would be awesome. A few friends goofing off with Nerf guns, and you stomp up in an armored walker and use a Nerf-firing minigun.... heh... The thought makes me smile.

I want one. I really, really want one.

Addendum: The link now works. I left out a hyphen in the URL. Sorry about that.

Holy Grail

Today I was given my MSDN (Microsoft Developer's Network) account for my job.

They might as well have given me the holy freakin' grail.

I'll sum up an MSDN Account: Any development product for Microsoft? Windows, Office, Visual Studios, et al? Everything with a business application?

Yeah, I have it now. I swear I heard a choir singing when I opened the envelope.

Sorry. I am a techie after all. New software is always a good thing: especially when you get several thousand dollars worth of it for the low, low price of free.

Notably, it does not belong to me, per se, but rather to the company. Yeah, whatever works. I still get to play with it!

Ahhh...software.

Running a bit late again. I was playing Civilization III for quite a while, so I didn't really think about the post. Eventually, I'll actually get a theme or something going on here. But not tonight.

That's all I have. So'til next time, rock on.

April Blizzards

And here I could've swore the expression was "April Showers bring May flowers." It seems that old adage needs to be slightly modified to “April Blizzards kick everyone’s ass.”

It was snowing last night. When I woke up, it was still snowing. Really, really hard. And it kept snowing. All day. White out conditions in April simply should not happen. Well, if you live in Alaska, I suppose it’s expected… But not the northeast.

At least it gave me an excuse to sit around and play computer games all day. If nothing else, that’s a plus.

Ah well. The time change has me all thrown off, like I thought it would. Lost track of time, so going to have to cut this short.

So ‘til next time, rock on.

John Paul, Mitch Hedberg, and Macaroni

This is the second time I've written this post. The electricity was knocked out LITERALLY as I was clicking on the "Post" button.

Stupid weather. It should simply not snow in April. I mean, seriously, it was nearing seventy yesterday and now it's bloody SNOWING. Damn weather. Damn power outages.

**********

So to clarify, the April Fool's day post was not actually supposed to fool anyone. It was not so much an April Fool's day prank as it was me simply goofing off. If I was actually trying to trick someone, I could do better than "Mud-hopping throat grappler." Thank you.

**********

So Pope John Paul II passed away today (or as it’s 3:30 AM, yesterday). That's quite sad. He was the pontiff for 26 years, so he's been the pope for literally my entire life. His successor has some really big shoes to fill.

Now, I'm not Catholic and I disagreed with him on several issues (not that anyone besides myself cares what my opinion is anyway), but I respected the man for one reason in particular. If he said it, he meant it. If he taught it, he believed it. If he preached it, it's because it is what he himself felt was right. A public figure standing beside their beliefs is somewhat of a rarity these days. Many preach one thing while doing another. Most public figures only support what is popular at the moment, and change their opinion like some people change their clothes. That simply made people like John Paul even more special.

He was a good man, and will be missed. Even by heathen bastards like myself.

**********

Another man passed away recently. While he was not of the same public importance as the Pope, I rather liked this man and was quite saddened by his death. Mitch Hedberg died Thursday of apparent heart failure. For those of you not familiar with Mr. Hedberg, he was an excellent comedian whose popularity was on the rise. Sharply witty and clever (with a whole lot of stoner mixed in), Hedberg was touted as “the next Seinfeld.” People like Hedberg help us laugh about ourselves, our society, and things we are in general uncomfortable about. Comedians are necessary to our lives. And we lost a good one.

**********

There was more to this post, but I don’t feel like writing it again. So I shall just talk about macaroni. I was out with a friend of mine tonight, and at some point I went “Hey, I’m hungry!” So after careful deliberation… which didn’t take that long because I had the monumental task of choosing between Sheetz or Perkins… I went to Sheetz and got some Chili Mac & Cheese. I have henceforth determined that Mac & Cheese is the ultimate late-night food.

Tasty.

Yes, I know that was quite random, but in my defense it is quite late, I am tired, and I had to rewrite this darn post.

So I shall leave it at that! So ‘til next time, rock on!

April Fuhl and the Mudhopping Throat-Grappler

So I woke up this morning, and after polishing my "Prince Albert" piercing I got on my pogo stick and bounced the thirty miles to where I work as a psychic phone friend. My good friend April Fuhls met me half way, and we talked about our prior ambitions.

I, of course, wanted to be a singer. That was before the mudhopping throat-grappler rendered me incapable of singing. Damn throatgrapplers. Like a camel spider, only they hop around in mud and bite people in the throat, hence thier name.

April wanted to go to Clown College, but she got sued for copyright infringement because she wore the same rubber nose as another clown. April was sued by Spanky the Blue Nosed Clown, but eventually the suit was dropped when it was found that Spanky's nose was actually cyan, and not blue as he had so claimed. But it so disenfranchised April, she gave up and became a psychic phone friend instead.

Yep, two of a kind, April and I. Dreams crushed and all.

Oh yeah, and I hope you had an excellent April Fool's day. :)

So 'til next time, rock on.